Goodbye "You are a blog" blog

As I alluded to in the last post, I've got a new blog site.

Check out My Life on the E-List!

Now.

Final stats:
(Tracked since February 2006, even though the blog started in June 2005)

81684 Visits
Averaging 61 per day
Most visits were 292 on July 4th, 2006
11am-Noon gets the most visitors
Tuesdays are the most popular day of the week
83% of visitors come from Canada (the rest of the top ten countries: US, UK, Denmark, Australia, Germany, Malaysia, France, Korea, Estonia)
Top ten search words: Stoll, Hunter, Rachel, Jarret, Blog, And, Loxy, Youareablog, Pronger, The.
Top three referrers (other than search engines): Lowetide, Black Dog, Hot Oil

I'm moving.

If the last month of blog posts hasn't made it obvious, tomorrow is the big moving day. Everything but some toiletries, and the contents of my fridge are in 69 boxes.

But coinciding with my move, is the relocation of this blog.

I've decided to check out Wordpress. Marry Boff Kill and Hot Oil will stay put, but the personal tales and tribulations will head to the new site.

Don't worry, I'm not leaving my faithful 30 (or so) fans in the dark. I'm just getting it spiffed up for the grand opening.

Check back soon.

All boxed up with no place to go

Heh

Ten songs I'm really feelin' right now

The clock has just struck midnight.
I just watched an episode of my guilty pleasure: "How I Met Your Mother".
A reference to Big Lebowski actually prompted me to LOL.
I spent the evening in an estrogen-filled room.
My closet, currently in boxes piled to the ceiling, has new clothes joining the ranks.
I have the next two days off.
What is left of my apartment will be packed away only to re-emerge at a new location.
Earlier today, I described to a co-worker that I am tired.
Life-tired.
A sickness has hung around since my hospital visit last weekend.
While I like change, it comes with an effort.
The completion of the move couldn't come soon enough.

Here is a song based on the lyrics (two lines at a time) of the 10 songs I'm feelin' right now.

I don't wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your lover (House of Cards - Radiohead)
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love (Friday I'm in Love - The Cure)
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains (The Sound of Silence - Simon and Garfunkle)
Dream one, you had a whole lot of fun with a comedian
Stop short of going all the way, you'll have to make it someday (Dirty Dream Number Two - Belle and Sebastian)
You run into the night
No sound, no vision, no sight (Bye Bye Bye - Plants and Animals)
Your hands on me; Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out (Lover I Don't Have To Love - Bright Eyes)
Loneliness, is such a sad affair
And I can hardly wait (Superstar - The Carpenters, as sung by Sonic Youth)
Forgive me, Let live me
Set my spirit free (Man is the Baby - Antony and the Johnsons)
I'm getting old, just by
Being 'round them (These Girls - Rachael Yamagata)
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye (End of the World - Skeeter Davis)

Wow. That worked better than I even expected.

I am my muse

I like taking pictures of people but still don't know how to do the stranger picture. I'm not even particularly comfortable with photographing friends because I don't know how to put them at ease. I don't know how to keep their attention, but keep them casual. I don't want them to pose, I just want them to be.

But I haven't figured out how to get that out of people. I figure, like anything else, it takes practice. I keep lining up friends of my so-called models. Some want professional pictures, others look to re-enter the world of online dating.

Their rationale for pictures doesn't matter to me, but I do want to provide good picture (regardless of the subject matter I'm working with). But no matter how well I use lights and angles, lenses and settings... how do I get the person to be real?

If my self-portraits are any indication, I've figured out ways to make myself look much better in photos than in person. I just want to be able to do it for others.

La-di-da, la-di-da, la la.

After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.

This picture is taken with my Minolta 110 SLR. They were made from 1976-79, before I was born, but a very similar era to Annie Hall (the last line of the movie quoted above).

I watched the movie today for the second time. I don't remember being particularly thrilled by the film the first time around, but today, it just made sense. I'm part Woody Allen, and I'm a big part Annie Hall.

Having a Saturday off is not the norm for me. I didn't ask for it off - in fact, I'm still on the schedule. But due to a medical problem, I spent a good part of the morning shuttling between clinics and eventually to the hospital for a 3 hour adventure in the ER.

Outside of some residual stomach pain, a couple teaspoons of blood and just a really tired body, I'm okay. Doctors that initially were scared I may need my appendix removed, released me not knowing what the problems are. If it gets worse, I go back and get admitted immediately. It hasn't.

If it weren't for a boy, I would've just been freaking out on my couch at home. But he took me from place to place, a GMAT study book in his hand. I don't know how to thank him for this, partially because I don't know where we're at in our dating process. I'm just glad he was there. I hope he knows that.

He may not be my Woody Allen, but he's smart and fun, good looking and good in... sports.

Monday morning

As I've often mentioned, I don't work a standard 9-5 Monday through Friday. My work week begins today. I have to be there in about two and a half hours. I considered briefly the idea of going for a run right now, but a sore throat is making itself known.

The best thing about my job is getting to wake up gradually most days. Sure, I work the odd 4am or 730am shift, but the average day there is no horrible noise emanating from my clock-radio.

I don't know what I'm getting at.

I have blonde hair now.

I'm so excited to move.
I like packing.
I like unpacking.

My need for change is satisfied my hair colour changes, as well as new homes. But it's probable that two months from now I'll be back to feeling stuck and in need of another boost to life. What will it mean then? Another new guy? That's not original considering my recent dating history.

How come I can never settle into my life? I always want more. I want different. I'm jumpy. I'm never quite comfortable.

Despite the economy and the media collapsing upon itself, I do want to see where my career can take me especially out of province. I'll probably come back to BC afterward, but I don't know.

I am 27 years old and I really don't know what I want to be. Where am I going? Am I just pursuing change in order to deal with my lack of goals?

Who is he?

We're standing in my new kitchen. The discussion is surrounding the placement of a microwave I'm getting from a friend who doesn't need it anymore. I'm hesitant to take it but he says, "Look at all the counter space" and offers suggestions as to where it could go. I say "thanks" and smile.

This is a dream I had last night. Most of it is based on fact - the new kitchen, the microwave, my apprehension to bring a microwave into my world after having been without one for a few years...

But who is he?

I have no idea.

This random stand-in for a boyfriend has been in several dreams as of late. They tend to be very rational dreams based on things actually happening in my life. But I wake up with no idea who he is. I can't remember a face, a body, even the voice is generically male.

I wish my subconscious would let me in on the secret.

But maybe there is no guy. Just a desire to fill that role - a role that is right now taken care of by several people (male and female) who keep me satisfied emotionally, intellectually, and sexually.

The foreseeable purchases

As we've been discussing the comments of the post below, saving money is key for me these days. That said, there are some purchases I expect to shell out for in the coming months.

1. Moving Expenses - From obtaining boxes (which I might try to do for free) to renting a truck (unless a friend has one) and paying off my friends (in beer and pizza) for their help, there are costs that I know I'm going to be paying for.

2. Couch or Papasan - I'm moving into a place much bigger than mine right now and finally I hope to have a couch I can lay on, preferably as part of a big spoon-little spoon combo. I plan to buy used.

3. Bed frame or Queen Boxspring - The new place is a basement suite, so lying on the ground on a thin mattress sounds like a pretty awfully cold idea. I hope I can find this used.

4. Area Rug - Like the above reasoning, being on the ground floor is colder than my current heat box where I kept a window open year round. As well, the ground is lined with a cold tile that reminds me of my dad's junior high school classroom floor. Plus a rug can really tie a room together. I know there is one at Winners I like for $150, which I figure is a good high end for the amount I'm willing to pay - used or new.

5. Coffee Table - I have owned so many coffee tables over the years but somehow they always get abandoned or sold. An old roommate has one of mine. If I can get it back, I do, if I can't... Ikea has one for $25.

6. Bridesmaid Dress - I tried one on today and was so close to buying it. It was quite casual for a wedding, but I know that with some heels, jewelery and hair I could've pulled it off. But something about it wasn't quite right. I've searched online for it, but come up unsuccessful. I have a fall back dress, I'm not screwed if I don't find something by September, but I figure summer styles don't offer too many black dresses.

7. Kitchen Linens - I've decimated the ones I own now while cleaning this place for the showing. I'm not too worried about this expense.

8. Wall Decal - There is a huge wall sized mirror in the new place that I think would be ideal for a large wall decal. A tree? Paint splatter? I have no idea, there are so many options out there. Don't believe me? Don't know what this is? Google "Wall Decal".

9. Lamps - If I remember correctly, there isn't much for lighting fixtures in the bedroom or the living room. I have one standing lamp, one table lamp.. I have a feeling that won't be enough.

10. A Baking Sheet - Simple enough.

*TBD - Bookshelf - Mine is tall. My new place is not. If it doesn't fit, there will be many books looking for a home.

Dolla Dolla Bills

Over the next month I will be preparing to make the big move. It will be the fifth home in three and a half years.

1. The Rat Box - 2 months spent at Yew and 7th. The rent was 375 a month. The location and the price were right, that was it. It had rats and mice. It had a roommate that would leave syringes on the floor between the entrance and my room - which was through her room. These were just the major issues, the minor issues would've had me fleeing as well. And after a month of living there, I gave my notice. But it was four days into the next month. She felt that wasn't enough time. One night while she was at class, I bolted. I abandoned a futon and a mattress, which I felt was fair payment for bills that I hadn't covered. If nothing else, I was hoping I was covering my karmic debt.

2. Laburnum - 8 months spent on Kits Point. What may have once been a beautiful character home, had deteriorated into a derelict frat house. The first few months were great, especially the second month where we had just 5 people living there. But that number would fluctuate up to 8, with reports of Dan Ackroyd lining up for a spot on the couch one night. I loved my room, hidden behind the utility room in the basement. Weeds would grow through the floor which was just wood slats on the dirt ground. But it the experience was just too much. When I returned from a trip back home, I found that my roommates had put all our dishes in the yard to let the rain clean them. I found a new place within the week.

3. The Lair - I spent nearly two years at this two bedroom apartment just off Commercial Drive. High ceilings with old wood framing, a claw-foot deep bathtub... It was very lovely. I had three roommates during that time, each of them brought something different to my experience and I don't regret having any of them sharing my space (or in the first case, I shared her space). But with a ridiculous schedule and a yearning to finally fly solo, I would go west. To Main Street.

4. Le Attic - I've been here 10 months and by the end of the month, I'll be onto a new place. It's adorable and in an ideal location but there's not much I can do in the way of decorating, entertaining or even rearranging. The way things are now, I think there's no other way to get everything in here. It's just small. And the new place won't cost me much more, but will allow me to spread out and cook for my friends.

5. The new place - It doesn't have a name, a feel or any problems yet. But it ushers in an era of saving money. It will cost me a bit more to live there, and I already live beyond my means. That's really where I was planning to take this post.

As I was looking at my finances recently, I realized that I spend more than I bring in. I get the numbers in line only when I get birthday, Christmas and tax return money. Otherwise, on a month to month basis, more money is going out than coming in. I don't live an extravagant lifestyle at all. I eat out more than I should, but most of those meals are less than 15 dollars. I don't drink much and never in excess.

When I was made full-time by my company in December, I gave up on several hundred dollars a month. And getting my benefit coverage has been a complete pain in the ass - still unable to produce a drug card for things like birth control. I also started paying several hundred dollars a month in student loans in the new year.

Breaking things down, I will spend about 65% of my take home pay on rent, loans and bills. My disposable income is around $600. Unexpected expenses decimate me. And while I'd love to save money or travel. It's not in the budget. I want to have a car for the summer, for little day trips and to get to further more secluded beaches and parks... But I don't think I can hack it.

So, how do I decrease the spending? Well, right now I should be moving in with a roommate, not into my own bigger place. But I'm not.

10 things I'm going to do to save money:

1. No Starbucks - I don't even drink coffee and while I like a Chai Latte, I can do without it. If I'm wanting to hang out and use the free internet, I can get a steamed milk for half the price and give preferential treatment to local places - rather than the giant chain with no free internet.

2. Switch Banks - The fees commercials have finally gotten through to me. ING? Coast Capital? Vancity? Who should I be running to?

3. Drink more water - It's a healthy decision if nothing else. So is...

4. Reduce my meat intake - I don't know if I'm wanting to go vegetarian, but when I'm shopping, some of the costliest stuff is coming in the form of my protein. A lot of protein can come from alternate sources, and cheaper sources.

5. Furnish the new place with used goods - I may have to take a trip to Ikea or Walmart for things that can't be found on craigslist, but I'm committed to getting (at least) another couch that is used.

6. Not use credit cards - Right now I owe about $500 dollars, and that's as much as I ever want to owe for the rest of the year (after an escalating balance for much of 2008).

7. Eliminate the "make me feel better" shopping excuse - Even though I never spend much money, it adds up, especially in the bad months. Luckily the good months of the year are ahead of me.

8. Eat breakfast - It's a good habit and won't have me yearning for whatever I can grab, or starbucks, later.

9. Ride my bike - Especially if it is to a place that I can imagine taking a cab home from later. I can always leave my bike there if I have to, but I'm never too drunk to drive - I just don't drink that much!

10. Don't buy just because it's on sale - I always rationalize purchases because "It's regularly 80 dollars and just 20 now!" but if I have to rationalize it, I don't need it. It's the reason I have so many clothes, but nothing of real quality.

There are also more tips here: 100 in fact!

And friends who are reading this, I hope I have your support. Lets think of great plans that don't cost money! Lets make another music video, or have more games nights, or potlucks... Yes, let us do that.