Success and the failings of my heart

I'm a high functioning individual. Success has found its way to me in many areas from a very young age. Hard work, perseverance and natural ability were all I needed.

From public speaking competitions as a young child, to math contests as a teen, to a myriad of sports achievements over the course of nearly two decades, I constantly rose to the occasion. I found success.

I had my share of failures, but they were generally blessings in disguise. I would move on quickly to another challenge, learning from my mistakes but leaving them in my past.

I don't even think I've achieved near my potential. I can be very lazy. But it doesn't change the fact that in my 27 years, I've done well for myself.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday. It's become a monthly thing where we go to the same restaurant and while I order random things from the menu, I always wish I had a sandwich. We discuss our lives and while it sounds selfish, much of it focuses on me. He's in a stable, happy relationship with a good government job, so he doesn't have the constant drama. I'd like to think my life (especially in the past few years) is interesting enough to hold a conversation anyways - my love life especially.

The last four years have been a stream of frustration. The ups don't match the downs - and there have been many. Sure, I've dated my fair share of guys. But how many have made it past the six week mark? Two, and neither of them made it to three months.

What I realized during yesterday's lunch is that no wonder it's such a focal point in my life - No amount of perseverance, hard work and natural ability can provide success in my heart. To be successful, I don't need a trip down the aisle (and frankly, that terrifies me at this point). In fact, unlike the rest of my life where first place finishes, wins, high marks, and compliments provided an attainable level of achievement, I can't even say what would make me a success in love.

Thus, I keep plugging along, a career woman who has a gorgeous retro apartment to move into just over a month from now. (Yes, it took me 24 hours to see a place, get the place and talk to my current landlord about getting out of my attic suite.)

I figure if I keep finding success in the rest of my life, eventually my heart will catch up.