Deja Vu

Remember this post?

I heard the same speech tonight.

Once again, I'm glad it came early enough in the relations that I didn't get dragged along. I think he's a good guy despite his lack of interest in me.

But man, I'm tired. I'm 27. It's been almost four years since I had more than just a fleeting short-lived two month relationship. I want more than anything to share my life with someone. I'm not talking about wedding bells and the pitter-patter of little ones. I just want someone to want me, someone whom I can cook dinner for, watch dvd tv with and to photograph. I want to give myself - my time, my effort, my love.

I wasn't particularly invested in this relationship. Sure, I liked the guy. He's gorgeous and fun, smart and sweet. I wanted it to work for all his good qualities and to make up for all the relationship failures that I've seen since coming to Vancouver.

The fact that I heard the same words echo through my head makes me wonder what I'm not learning from these experiences. What am I doing wrong? I'm not going in head first like Pete Rose. I'm being myself so that there's no turning point when they meet the real me. I'm not giving up... yet.

I'm just so tired. (And a bit mad and sad, thinking about the things that I never have.)



One thing is for sure, I will never date another man with July 10th, 1983 as a birthday again. Two in a row is too many already.